Moving on into the unknown. 

This morning’s messages are complex, scary and exciting, all at the same time. It’s the series of messages delivered to my primary email plus things in reality all pilling on top of one another.

My Nathan survived a deer and managed to keep the van mostly ok too.  Definitely easily fixable.  And really we both have a very low hitting stuff to mileage ratio anyways. I now drive about 40,000 miles a year,  and in the last 12 months have hit 3 things (bunny, raccoon, & owl). Nathan now drives about 35,000 miles a year and hit about 4 things,  though some of his were bigger (the deer). Grattitide that we’re both excellent drivers. 

I started the morning that way.  I said that I’m glad my husband is ok & I’d take a crunched corner over dead van (& possibly husband) any day. Followed it up with I think it’s time for my domes and Tessela and the ability to eliminate hours upon hours of driving  at night. Looking for the positive side and moving forward. 

The messages continue.

The boy is gone they say.  Probably not coming back,  at least any time soon. I need to let go and move on. Ouch.

Yet their messages tell me that it’s ok to love him and say so. There were Tony Morrison quotes concerning love not being of possessing.  Ken Follett quotes about love, life & learning.  (Both sets of quotes from the logical quotes blog.) Another blog summed it up quite well. It’s better to say so than regret not having said anything later.

So there I have it. Learn to let go while still being in love and loving someone. Move on with my life the best most inspired way possible. 

So just in case he ever reads this…. 

I love you.  I did from nearly the start. You gave me hope, showed me I’m still beautiful,  helped me see my own good qualities.  You let me see that a poly family is a valid and wonderful dream that fills my heart with great joy. You encouraged me to not just remember my dreams but believe in them again.  You will always have  space in my heart, and that’s why I put a reminder on my skin. I know what it is you must do, and I sincerely wish you the best.  I hope you find everything that you ever hoped for or dreamed of. I wish for you great happiness. I love you and always will, even with distance and time. That’s okay. Another lifetime perhaps. For now we will both be as free as our own choosing allows.

————-

Today will be baby steps getting rid of that old weight of all that stuff we’ve collected- going to load it all & haul it to Savers in Liberty for donation. Fix vehicles, or at least set appointments for that.  Call shipping container places again.  If that doesn’t pan out again, then maybe reevaluate my “what’s next plan”. Maybe I am really just supposed to wait a little longer, and practice saving money.  I know I’ve had messages about July, August, & September, but I don’t know what they mean.  Maybe it’s my solution. I just don’t know,  but I’m being told to act only when inspired and excited. Hmmmm. I foresee more blogging as things play out.

Z——–

More than anything I just want a comfortable home. To be able to take care of my family more easily.  To find peace and contentment and indefinite happiness. And I would really, really like to have the financial prowess to directly help other people and the world a bit along the way.

I am doing my best to be a good custodian of the space, people, and things that the divine has put in my life.

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